Processing Pain
This week at Grace Place we looked at the story of David and how he dealt with the pain of betrayal. I love how honest he was in his prayers to the Lord. For example:
“Turn to me and have mercy on me, for I am alone and in deep distress. My problems go from bad to worse. Oh save me from them all… See how many enemies I have and how viciously they hate me!” (Psalm 25:16-19, NLT)
David knew the deep pain of betrayal and loneliness. He pours out his heart to God and asks him to “feel my pain and see my trouble” (v. 18). He took his pain and “deep distress” to the Lord and laid it out honestly and frankly.
There are many ways to process the pain of betrayal and abandonment. Some are unhealthy–withdrawal, isolation, self-medicating with harmful substances, harboring resentment and bitterness, etc. Healthy processing starts with frank and honest conversation with the Lord about the pain. Remember that when, like David, your problems seem to “go from bad to worse.”
July 27th, 2008 at 7:50 am
So true. How do we process pain and hurt. I used to teach a class and in one session I would use Psalm 109 to illustrate the processing of pain and hurt. I would have some students volunteer to read dramatically the first part of the Psalm. It was always an eye opener. How can this be in the Bible I would ask.
Psa 109:1 A David prayer. My God, don’t turn a deaf ear to my hallelujah prayer.
Psa 109:2 Liars are pouring out invective on me; Their lying tongues are like a pack of dogs out to get me,
Psa 109:3 barking their hate, nipping my heels–and for no reason!
Psa 109:4 I loved them and now they slander me–yes, me!– and treat my prayer like a crime;
Psa 109:5 They return my good with evil, they return my love with hate.
Psa 109:6 Send the Evil One to accuse my accusing judge; dispatch Satan to prosecute him.
Psa 109:7 When he’s judged, let the verdict be, “Guilty,” and when he prays, let his prayer turn to sin.
Psa 109:8 Give him a short life, and give his job to somebody else.
Psa 109:9 Make orphans of his children, dress his wife in widow’s weeds;
Psa 109:10 Turn his children into begging street urchins, evicted from their homes–homeless.
Psa 109:11 May the bank foreclose and wipe him out, and strangers, like vultures, pick him clean.
Psa 109:12 May there be no one around to help him out, no one willing to give his orphans a break.
Psa 109:13 Chop down his family tree so that nobody even remembers his name.
Psa 109:14 But erect a memorial to the sin of his father, and make sure his mother’s name is there, too–
Psa 109:15 Their sins recorded forever before GOD, but they themselves sunk in oblivion.
Psa 109:16 That’s all he deserves since he was never once kind, hounded the afflicted and heartbroken to their graves.
Psa 109:17 Since he loved cursing so much, let curses rain down; Since he had no taste for blessing, let blessings flee far from him.
Psa 109:18 He dressed up in curses like a fine suit of clothes; he drank curses, took his baths in curses.
Psa 109:19 So give him a gift–a costume of curses; he can wear curses every day of the week!
Psa 109:20 That’s what they’ll get, those out to get me– an avalanche of just deserts from GOD.
This is exactly how we feel when we have been hurt! Anger and desire for revenge. We want God to avenge us. Unfortunately you have to read the “rest of the story” or the end of the Psalm in order to see David’s method of processing the pain.
1. He honestly talks to God with raw emotions and feelings. Have you ever yelled at God?
2. He does this as the first step. Which allows him to spill out the hurts and give it to God.
3. Then and only then, I believe, can he get to the point. He is hurting and needs to lay it before God.
Now comes the heart of the Psalm.
Psa 109:21 Oh, GOD, my Lord, step in; work a miracle for me–you can do it! Get me out of here–your love is so great!–
Psa 109:22 I’m at the end of my rope, my life in ruins.
Psa 109:23 I’m fading away to nothing, passing away, my youth gone, old before my time.
Psa 109:24 I’m weak from hunger and can hardly stand up, my body a rack of skin and bones.
Psa 109:25 I’m a joke in poor taste to those who see me; they take one look and shake their heads.
Psa 109:26 Help me, oh help me, GOD, my God, save me through your wonderful love;
Psa 109:27 Then they’ll know that your hand is in this, that you, GOD, have been at work.
Psa 109:28 Let them curse all they want; you do the blessing.
Psa 109:29 Let them be jeered by the crowd when they stand up, followed by cheers for me, your servant. Dress my accusers in clothes dirty with shame, discarded and humiliating old ragbag clothes.
Psa 109:30 My mouth’s full of great praise for GOD, I’m singing his hallelujahs surrounded by crowds,
Psa 109:31 For he’s always at hand to take the side of the needy, to rescue a life from the unjust judge.
If we don’t take the pain to God then we are tempted to unleash our pain on others or bottle it up until it spills out in uncontrollable ways.
The heart of the Psalm is verses 21-26, David is hurting and needs God’s love. He needs to vent! God can take our venting and it is better than venting on others.
It is believed that this Psalm may have been a reference to David’s betrayal by his most trusted friend and advisor Ahithophel, when he sided with Absalom’s rebellion.
Take it to God to process the pain then it doesn’t fester inside us.
July 29th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Interesting study, John. Those verses really show extreme emotions being poured out to God, but no matter how riled up David got in prayer, he always ended up choosing to trust God at the end in spite of circumstances. I think most of us would pray differently if we really prayed the way it is modeled for us in the Psalms.